Re: [guadec-list] cool story 1

["Murray Cumming" <murrayc murrayc com>]

> There is a shifting in the balance in the computing world.
> New markets are opening up for Free and Open Source software in Asia
> and South America.  As governments shift towards using open source
> projects for their IT infrastructure, the rest of the industry
> is being pulled along with it.  This drive comes from the need to
> grow a local industry that would employ local people without having
> to give money back to global corporations.

I would change "without having to give money back to" to "instead of just
sending taxpayer money to". We don't need to reinforce anyone's mistaken
preconception that we are against global corporations or in general
against paying people for their work.

>  Secondly, governments
> are assured that being in possession of the source that security
> requirements are satisfied.

This sentence is broken. Maybe add "means" after "source".

> Nothing is more important in this transition than desktop software
> the primary means to deliver important applications that drive
> productivity in the workplace.

Add a dash after "software".

> GNOME is a major desktop project for GNU/Linux with a strong focus on
> ease of use.  GNOME aspires to be the desktop that the average user
> can use

Add a comma here.

> with an intuitive interface with a "Just Works" objective.

Change "with a "Just Works" objective." to
"that aims to "Just Work.""

> Simple and Elegant is the motto of the GNOME Project.
>
> Every year, the GNOME project holds a conference in Europe to
> showcase new innovations, plan new directions, and to reward
> those that have contributed to the GNOME community.  The GNOME
> project also attracts major sponsors like Google, Novell, Nokia
> and Intel.  These companies want to take advantage of the new
> global acceptance of free software around the world

It's superfluous to have both "global" and "around the world".

> and drive to
> have their technologies use GNOME technologies.

I'd change this to ", and they are eager to integrate their products with
GNOME technology."

> Last year, Nokia announced the 770

I'd add "Internet Tablet", for those that are not familiar with product
numbers.

>, the first major consumer

Change "consumer harware" to "handheld". We dont' want to suggest that
it's the first time that GNOME has been non-commercial until now.

> hardware device to use GNOME technology.  The response have

have -> has

> been
> beyond anyone's expectations!
>
> GUADEC will be held in Vilanova, Spain this year.  We hope that you
> all will

"you all will" -> "you will all", unless this is for a Texan audience.

> join us and participate and interact with

add "the"

> GNOME community
> and learn more about what desktop

This sentence is broken here.

> and in turn learn about the new
> markets being created across the globe.


Murray Cumming
murrayc murrayc com
www.murrayc.com
www.openismus.com