Re: [3.18 Release Video] Manuscript draft 01 ready for review

[Allan Day <allanpday gmail com>]

Hey Bastian!

Bastian Ilso <hougaard junior gmail com> wrote:
...
> I have made a first draft of the manuscript for the GNOME 3.18 release
> video.
> https://wiki.gnome.org/ThreePointSeventeen/ReleaseVideo#Manuscript
>
> The manuscript is very early stage, so I would love your help with:
...

Thanks so much for working on another video!

There are still some features in the process of landing: keep an eye
on the release notes wiki page, if you're not already. Also, some
quick comments:

 * "GNOME can now adjust the brightness of your screen automatically
if your computer supports it" - would benefit from more specificity:
"If your computer has a light sensor, GNOME can now use it to
automatically adjust the brightness of your screen."
 * "Software now has support for updating firmware, to help you keep
your devices up to date." - "help" makes it sound like this is a small
convenience thing. The new feature is a bit more than that. Perhaps
something like "In the past it has been difficult to keep device
firmware up to date. With the new version of GNOME Software, this is a
thing of the past: installing firmware updates will be as easy as
pressing a button." ?
 * "Nibbles sports new revamped graphics for a better gaming
experience." - that's not going to land until next cycle.
 * "GNOME Documents has an improved way of organizing your documents."
- a bit generic, and makes it sounds like there is new functionality.
That's not the case - we've just made the UI nicer. :)
 * "GNOME's development tools has also improved vastly." - you have
some grammer issues there. It should be: "GNOME's development tools
have vastly improved." Also, I'd be a little wary of overselling
there!
 * "Two new widgets has also arrived in GTK+ for viewing images and
videos." The video widget (gstgtk) is actually part of GStreamer, not
GTK+. The image widget (GtkImageView) won't be landing until next
cycle.
 * "Finally, Boxes has improved its interface with a new list view for
heavy users of virtual machines." - "heavy" could be misinterpreted
here! "users with lots of virtual machines"?!

Allan