Re: [3.18 Release Video] Manuscript draft 01 ready for review

[Bastian <hougaard junior gmail com>]

Hi Allan,

Thanks for the feedback!

On Mon, Aug 24, 2015 at 5:07 , Allan Day <allanpday gmail com> wrote:

* "GNOME can now adjust the brightness of your screen automatically

if your computer supports it" - would benefit from more specificity: "If your computer has a light sensor, GNOME can now use it to automatically adjust the brightness of your screen."

I wasn't sure if I could assume users would be familiar with the existence of these sensors in their laptop. I've put in your suggestion for now.

* "Software now has support for updating firmware, to help you keep your devices up to date." - "help" makes it sound like this is a small convenience thing. The new feature is a bit more than that. Perhaps something like "In the past it has been difficult to keep device firmware up to date. With the new version of GNOME Software, this is a thing of the past: installing firmware updates will be as easy as pressing a button." ?

Sounds a bit like the plan is to feature this as one of the major milestones of the 3.18 release?

In that case I'll gladly give it about as much screen time as Files will get.

* "Nibbles sports new revamped graphics for a better gaming experience." - that's not going to land until next cycle.

Removed

* "GNOME Documents has an improved way of organizing your documents." - a bit generic, and makes it sounds like there is new functionality. That's not the case - we've just made the UI nicer. :)

Corrected to: "GNOME Documents comes with a revamped user interface for organizing your documents."

* "GNOME's development tools has also improved vastly." - you have some grammer issues there. It should be: "GNOME's development tools have vastly improved." Also, I'd be a little wary of overselling there!

Noted, will remove some adjectives. (:

* "Two new widgets has also arrived in GTK+ for viewing images and videos." The video widget (gstgtk) is actually part of GStreamer, not GTK+. The image widget (GtkImageView) won't be landing until next cycle.

Removed

* "Finally, Boxes has improved its interface with a new list view for heavy users of virtual machines." - "heavy" could be misinterpreted here! "users with lots of virtual machines"?!

Corrected.

-Bastian