Re: release notes: first draft

[Claus Schwarm <c schwarm gmx net>]

Hi, 

two suggestion if I'm not too late already:

 1.) The first sentence is too long: Please stop it after "platforms"
     otherwise people with low attention will stop reading right there. 
 2.) "includes" sounds strange. Why not just remove it?

The paragraph then reads:

 "GNOME 2.14 is the latest version of the GNOME Desktop; a popular,
multi-platform desktop environment for Linuxâ, UNIXâ and other
platforms. Based on Free and Open Source Software, GNOME provides all
of the common tools computer users have come to expect of a modern
computing environment, as well as a flexible and powerful platform for
software developers."

Cheers,
Claus

On Thu, 09 Mar 2006 12:46:51 -0800
Bob Kashani <bobk ocf berkeley edu> wrote:

> On Thu, 2006-03-09 at 14:28 -0600, Jonathon Jongsma wrote:
> > On 3/6/06, Davyd Madeley <davyd madeley id au> wrote:
> > > Ok guys and gals. I am announcing a preliminary draft of the release
> > > notes for 2.14. We now require proof readers for spelling, grammar and
> > > technical correctness.
> > >
> > 
> > In the very first paragraph, change:
> > "GNOME comprises of both a desktop and developer's platform"
> > 
> > "GNOME comprises both a desktop and..."
> 
> I changed it to "GNOME includes both a desktop and developer's
> platform..."
> 
> Bob
> 
> -- 
> Bob Kashani
> GARNOME Project
> http://www.gnome.org/projects/garnome
> 
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