Thanks. This is much better than take2. I've made the changes mentioned below and attached version 4. I'm not sure that this deals with all the issues mentioned when reviewing my first draft, but it's too late now so let's call this done in a couple of hours time. Luis, please send it to gnome-i18n for translation, and CC Leslie. We should probably tell people to feel free to distribute it to local media organizations on March 8th, the day before the release. And please update the version in cvs in releng/2.x/2.10/press_release/ Changes: Removed "power" because I think it's something that people say when they have nothing to say. Removed "literally", "other", because they are redundant. Replaced "developer hooks" with "development possibilities", because it's meaningless to most people, including me. I'd prefer to remove it because I don't know of any developer hooks that we have actually added, and somebody will ask. Replaced "polish and stabilize" with "refine", though "improve" is probably OK. "These frequent releases get" -> "this delivers". "have all planned to include" -> "will include" "getting GNOME 2.10 out quickly to millions of users." -> "providing GNOME 2.10 to millions of users". "This will help make" -> "This makes" "apps" -> "applications "and new implementations of cross-platform standards" -> "use of cross- platform standards" "The release of version 1.0". People don't what number the tarball has. They care what it does. It's not enough of a excuse to mention GOK, though I'd happily find another excuse. "Continued polish and stability work" -> remove "work" "that have been added since" -> "since". Also added "based on user feedback" "continuing to fix" -> fixing. This "continuing" thing is an annoying tick. "helping drive forward" -> "driving forward" another unnecessary second verb. "[FIXME: source from Jim/Keith/Fluendo? Someone from LinEx?]". Gave it to Christian Schaller. Jim/Keith would be good, but we don't have time now. "and our reliable release process is getting those out to" -> "delivering these to" "will allow" -> "allows" On Thu, 2005-03-03 at 03:45 -0500, Luis Villa wrote:
Attached is the latest. I broke up some sentences, killed some adjectives, and cleaned up some wording. Unfortunately, I wasn't able to find a source for the first quote; frankly I had no time to look. Because the quote is about interaction with 'outside' communities like gstreamer, perhaps you could do that with your fluendo/gstreamer hat on, Christian? Appears readable in OOo 1.1, but for some reason it takes up quite a bit more space, not sure what to do about that. Anyway, if everyone could proof it for a few hours and then, I guess, hand off to the translators, that would be great... Luis (who has on his TODO 'get more real marketers involved in the 2.12 release') On Tue, 22 Feb 2005 14:22:06 +0100, Murray Cumming <murrayc murrayc com> wrote:This is a draft of our press release for GNOME 2.10, for marketing-list to comment on. This is absolutely definitely not for release yet, so I don't want to see links to it all over the web. The attachment is an OpenOffice document. I'm not a PR person, so I'm prepared for all kinds of constructive criticism. At the moment, I'm thinking of removing the bug-fix count because I think it's not a meaningful thing to most people, and will do more harm than good. -- Murray Cumming murrayc murrayc com www.murrayc.com www.openismus.com -- marketing-list mailing list marketing-list gnome org http://mail.gnome.org/mailman/listinfo/marketing-list
-- Murray Cumming murrayc murrayc com www.murrayc.com www.openismus.com
Attachment:
gnome_2p10_press_release_version4.sxw
Description: OpenOffice Writer document