Re: GAS 2010 Sponsorship package proposal

[Brian Cameron <brian cameron oracle com>]

Pockey:

I like the photos.  I think the brochure would look nicer if they
were spaced throughout the document and not just on a few pages.

> Fred and I have drafted the captioned proposal for sponsorship.
> Some of the details like promotional materials for sponsors package and
> the format of presentations will be confirmed by COSCUP as soon as
> possible.
>
> Please feel free to comment.

Page 1:

> and the 4 years experience from our Taiwanese partners cumulated with
> our own should definitely make the event even more attractive than
> its previous iterations.

I would say "4 years of experience"

> Targetting GNOME and Open Source users, marketers and developers this
> is a unique opportunity

I would put a semicolon after "developers".

> Furthermore Taiwan also happens to be the

I would put a comma after "Furthermore"

> As an immediate outcome you will have preferential access to speaking
> opportunities, conference database of highly qualified volunteers and

I would say "to a conference database"

> developers and the possibility to add panel discussions on specific
> topics (recruting, technology, OSS business, etc.) or anything you
> feel valuable for both the audience and your business.

I would say "or to anything that you would feel is valuable"

The above sentence is awkward.  It would probably read better as a
bulleted list of items.

> With delegates from Asia and around the world, the COSCUP /
> GNOME.Asia Summit is a unique and internationally flavored conference
> and offers sponsors the chance

I think "opportunity" would read better than "chance"

The last line of page 1 seems oddly spaced.

Page 2:

> Large logo in website, program's back page, banners in locations, bag
> and all COSCUP / GNOME.Asia Summit public documents;

It might be good to clarify what "banners in locations" means.  How many
will there be?  Where will they be located?  Also what does "bag" mean?
Does this mean their logo will be printed on the bag?

The Media Partner package doesn't require a dollar amount.  What is
required to participate as a media partner?  I assume there are some
requirements like being associated with some reasonably legitimate
media organization and officially representing them.

> One (1) cornerstone stand or booth at the size 6x9m (20'x30') during
> 2 days of the conference (at your expense);
> One (1) stand or booth at the size 4,5x6m (15'x20') during 2 days of
> the conference (at your expense);

I would say "during the 2 days".  Since it is at their expense perhaps
it should say "The opportunity to have one (1) cornerstone stand or
booth".

Also I would say "with yxzm (y'xz') dimensions" instead of "at the size
yxzm (yxz')".

> Four (4) places at private dinner with speakers during the conference

I would say "at a private dinner"

> Access to database of registered participants

I would say "to the database".  Also the Gold Package says this:

> Access to Name and email of database of registered participants

This sounds like the same thing.  Shouldn't the wording be the same?
Or if they are different, the difference should be more clear.  Also
"Name" shouldn't be capitalized and the use of the word "of" twice in
the same sentence is awkward.

> Participation at press conference for event

I would say "at a press conference"

> One (1) block at a shared Media Partners page in the official program

What is a block?  Also I suspect the usage of the word "at" is wrong.
Perhaps you mean "block of"?

In the "Custom Sponsorship" section you list "Free gift".  I think
you should mention what the free gift is intended to be used for.
A giveaway at a raffle at the event or to everyone who attends if
enough are provided?

Page 9:

> From our past experience, attendee demographic consists of
> approximately 1/3 open source developers, 1/3 open source system
> administrators and 1/3 open source software users, with some of the
> users/administrators also enthusiastic promoters

On page 1 you suggest that computer/hardware manufacturers and OEM's,
resellers, IT publishers, consultants, students and staff
of education industry, government officials, system admins, analysts,
and software developers attend.  However, here on page 9 you suggest
only some of these categories attend.  Seems a bit odd.

> We expect the same composition for the joint conference, with a
> possibility to boost the percentage of developers with Gnome
> developer speakers coming into town.

Please use "GNOME" and not "Gnome".

> The event focuses primarily on the GNOME desktop and other devices,
> and also covers applications and the development platform tools.

GNOME is not a "device".  Perhaps you mean to say "GNOME desktop and
devices that use GNOME."  I would also say "GNOME-based applications
and GNOME development platform tools."

> GNOME.Asia Summit has been held so far in Beijing, China in 2008 and
> Ho-Chi-Minh City, Vietnam in 2009.

I would remove "so far".

> The GNOME desktop is a free, easy to use, accessible and
> internationalized desktop for Linux and Unix-based operating systems
> used by millions.

I would say "and is used by millions".

Since the focus of this event is mobile, perhaps you should provide
more detail about how GNOME is used in mobile.  I'd think you would
want to approach more potential mobile sponsors, so it would be good
to highlight how GNOME works with mobile more, I'd think.

> The Foundation is a member directed, non-profit organization that
> provides financial, organizational and legal support to the GNOME
> project

I would say "operational support" instead of "legal support".  Legal
support is only one way that the GNOME Foundation provides support.
Saying "operational" is more general.

> GNOME Foundation sponsoring members include Access, Canonical,
> Debian, the Free Software Foundation, Hewlett-Packard, IBM, Igalia,
> Imendio, Intel, Mozilla, Nokia, Novell, OLPC, Opened Hand, Red Hat,
> and Sun Microsystems, with legal pro bono work provided by Software
> Freedom Law Center and Wilson Sonsini Goodrich Rosati.

The above list seems wrong.  Check here:

  http://live.gnome.org/AdvisoryBoard

Note that Google, Igalia, Motorola, and Sugar Labs are on the Advisory
board and you don't list them.

I would say "The Free Software Foundation" (capitalize the).

Sun Microsystems should now be Oracle.

Access and HP are no longer on the advisory board and should probably
be removed from the list.  I also do not think Imendio and Opened Hand
are on the advisory board anymore.

---

Brian