The Hacks of our lives

[Christian Fredrik Kalager Schaller <Uraeus linuxrising org>]

hi people,

Having gotten a little tired of silly and stupid attacks on Miguel  I
felt it was time someone put things in perspective. Hope no one takes
offence :) So here is the screenplay for a Soap opera I call:

The Hacks of our lives
 
It is not based on the truth rather it is based on the warped reality as
percieved by some of the people posting comments to sites likes Slashdot
and LinuxToday. 

All other names have been changed to protect the innocent and to make
sure you are not able to guess who the other people are.

In the office

Office worker: Boss, do you really think we achieve world domination
with this new system we are making called Bono?

Miguel: Of course we are, don’t you know we are recieving billions of
dollars in secret funding for this from Bill Yates? Well I have to head
home now, entertaining some potential investors at home.


Drives home.
 

Miguel: James, take my coat will you.

James: Master your guests have already arrived. They are waiting for you
in the living room.

Miguel: Dude, that is not good. But show me in.

Goes to living room.
 

Bill Yates: There you are Miguel. Let me introduce the other people
here. To my right is Beth Honeysweet my personal secretary. Next is
Linda Sehrhornsly, my accountant from Arthur Andersen. Last but not
least is Andrew Mengele, a reporter doing a story on your project for a
paper called the Registry.


Miguel: Pleased to meet you all.
 

Andrew: So what it your project?


Miguel: Well I am hacking on Bono.

 

Andrew: Really? But what will happen with U2 then?

 

Miguel: No, not that Bono, but Bono the new revolutionary software
plattform.

 

Miguel: If you excuse me Ladies and Gentlemen, I have to go and see that
my chef is getting our meal in order. Please make yourself comfortable.

 

Goes into hallway, where stopped by Beth Honeysweet who comes after him.
 

Beth: Oh, Miguel from the moment I saw you I knew that I needed you, my
body burns with desire for you.
 

Miguel: Well not since I added the game Same-GNUME to CVS have I felt
such desire myself, give me some suger baby.
 

Wild sex on hallway carpet.

 
Beth: God, that was wonderful. So what was it you where doing again?


Miguel: I am doing Bono.

 
Beth: Oh? Me to, during their last tour I did him thrice. Don't think
rest of U2 think it is strange that he likes you in that way?
 
Miguel: No, not that Bono, but Bono the new revolutioary software
plattform. But we should get back to the others now. They are surely
wondering where we have gone to.
 
Both goes back to the living room.

Bill Yates: Oh, I see you two found each other, thats nice. You see I
forgot to tell you that you are brother and sister.
 

Miguel: Really? But how can that be?
 

Bill Yates: Well you see when I was younger I had to pay my bills
someway so I  ended up as a camera man doing Elvis Presley movies. Then
one day when shooting in Acapulco I met your mother and nine months
afterwards you two where born.

Miguel: What so you are my father then?



Bill Yates: Yes, I am son.

 

Everyone cries, beatiful moment.


Bill Yates: Well I don’t think we have time for dinner. We have to go
now. See you later.


Everyone except Andrew Mengele and Linda Sehrhornsly leaves.


Andrew  Mengele: So what are your plans for Bono?


Miguel: Well in 10 years time I am thinking about making it the
foundation of GNUME.


Andrew: That is incredible, how can you make such a decision based on my
question?


Miguel: Well it is not based on your question, and I will have 10 years
with calm and quiet life to contemplate and discuss it with my GNUME
peers.

 
Andrew Mengele: This is a revolution. I need to run out and spread the
word. I already have the headline ready. It will be 'GNUME replaced by
Bono tommorow'.


Andrew leaves.


Linda Sehrhornsly: This is all so fascinating.  What was that thing of
yours again?
 

Miguel: Bono, it is Bono.


Linda Sehrhornsly: Wow, so you are the guy who wrote ‘Whose gonna ride
my wild horses’? Where is the rest of U2.


Miguel: No, not that Bono, but Bono the new revolutioary software
plattform.


Linda Sehrhornsly: Oh, all this talk makes me wild. I must have you now.


Miguel: Ok my little GEGL.


Wild sex on the living room floor.

 
Miguel: hmm, what is this tatoo. I have seen it before somewhere. Wait
that is the tatoo of Bob Balda, editor of the infamous website Crashdot;
news for birds, stuff that is  not copyrighted.
 

Linda aka Bob: Yes, I heard you where planning to live a peacefull life
for the next 10 years and I could not have that. You are the reason for
half my readership. So I took a sexchange operation so I could get close
to you and talk you into not being so peacefull.

 
Miguel: Bob, you failed in your diabolical plan. I will never say
anything that can be distorted again.


Bob runs out crying.

 
Next day.

 
Another office worker: Oh boss, we have gotten an offer from another
company to help out on our Bono project. Their only demand is that we
let the part they will contribute too use the same license as the Xspree
project.
 

Miguel: Ok, well since we will use our current license on the other
major parts of the system and this new license should make even the most
ardent free beer zealot happy I guess we can accept.

 
Wanda the beatiful secretary walks into the room.

 
Wanda: Miguel, an urgent message waits for you in your office.

 
Miguel: Thanks Wanda I go and check right away. You, another office
worker, tell the other company ok, and send out a press release with the
happy news.

 
Miguel and Wanda goes to office.


Miguel: Ah, here is a message from my father, he is coming in today to
see Bono. He wants to use it to force other people use his .bet system. 
Hmm.


Wanda: Oh, it is so wonderful that you are working with Bono, but what
does the rest of U2 think about that?


Miguel:  No, not that Bono, but Bono the new revolutioary software
plattform


Wanda: Well, no matter that makes you close enough to a rock star in my
eyes. I must have your buldging body.

 
Miguel: Ok, my little fish.
 

Wild sex on office floor.


Wanda: Oh, I hear your father coming, I should get out of here as he
might not like that I sleep with you too.


Miguel: You sleep with my father also? This we must discuss later.
 

Wanda runs out, and a few seconds later Bill Yates comes in.


Bill Yates: There you are my son. Have you prepared Bono, so I can use
it to force people to obey my will?


Miguel: I am sorry father, but I have my own plans for Bono.


Bill Yates: You dare to oppose me? I am your father ! I will have to
kill you then.


Miguel: How can you kill me? You are my father.


Bill Yates: I am not your father. I am the man who killed your father.

 
Miguel: What? How can that be, who is my father then.


Bill Yates: His name was Richard Stenchman. The famous man who slept for
weeks under his desk without showering so he could work on his dream
project, the ABC compiler.


Miguel: The ABC compiler. So this is why I want to write a compiler, it
is in my blood.

 
Bill Yates: No more idle talk. Now you die!

 
Wild chase around office. Suddenly door crashes open and bearded man
runs in and punches Bill Yates down into a coma.


Miguel: Who are you?

 
Richard Stenchman: I am Ricard Stenchman. And I am here to save you from
yourself. I heard you planned to stop hacking and instead start a band
with Bono. I just wonder what the rest of U2 thinks about that.


Miguel:  No, not that Bono, but Bono the new revolutioary software
plattform. So you are my father then?

 
Richard Stenchman: Yes, I am. But I am not your real father. I am
actually your brother in law.


Miguel: But how can that be none of us are married. And didn't Bill
Yates kill you?

 
Richard Stenchman: Yes, it is mystic isn’t it.  Well nice talking, but I
have to go, see you around sometime.

 
Richard Stenchman leaves.

 
Yet another office worker: Boss, you must come there is a crisis
brewing.

 
Miguel: Yes, yet another office worker. You go and I follow.
 

Walks out into super hacker room. All computers have 10 screens flying
around the chairs at high speed as that makes all hackers much more
effective.


Yet another office worker: Look here at the Registry newssite. There is
an article here by someone called Andrew Mengele which claim you have
said that you are planning on murdering Order Pennington, to make sure
that you can make Bono the plattform of GNUME in 10 minutes. They claim
you do this to get back at your old adversary Mattias Kleineweiner, lead
developer of the CNC desktop.(CNC == Can Not Code)

 
Miguel: Hmm, well this leaves me no choice I guess. I have to sell my
soul to satan.


Miguel runs over to diabolical offering room.

 
Miguel: Oh, Satan if you give me the power to outcode my enemies I give
you the souls of all the hackers in the world.
 

Satan: No thanks, it smells enough in hell already. Start hanging with a
crowd with better hygiene and we have a deal.


Miguel: Oh no, what shall I do

 
Satans sexy daughter: Do not despair, I have always hated U2 so I will
help you to team up with Bono and break them up.


Miguel: No, not that......hmmm......ok we have a deal.


Wild sex on diabolical room floor.

 
Tune in tomorow for another episode in the ongoing soap opera ‘The hacks
of our lives’

 




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